The Wylde Life

Elderberry Tincture: Use and Benefits

Holistic HealthDaVina HarveyComment
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Cough syrup from CVS is cool if that’s what you are into… (please read the sarcasm in that statement) but elderberry tincture is better!

Ingredients: elderberry , cinnamon , ginger , rose hips (liquor base/ apple cider vinegar )

USES: pre-flu/cold symptoms take the tincture to ward off the flu, while you actually have the flu or a cold take the tincture, some research suggests that it might help with those who have herpes and do not want to take prescription medicines. I started using it personally when I had strep throat and did not want to take antibiotics because my vagina doesn’t like them.

Warning: not for pregnant women, not for breast feeding mothers, not for children 3 and under.

Dosage: adult and children directions are included on the packaging. There are separate directions for when you are doing prevention and for when you are already sick.

Price List:

1) Adult 4 oz bottle tincture: $25 (liquor based)

2) Children 2 oz bottle $18 (apple cider vinegar based)

What's In My Ho Bag...

DaVina HarveyComment

 

 

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Everyone always assumes when I say I am packing my ho bag that I am packing a bag full of things meant to share with someone else.  Lately my bag has been more about me than SHE OR HE. I am trying to understand MY sexuality more and enjoy MY body more so I am starting to think more about what makes me happy and me feel good. The things in my bag currently reflect that.  The "Ho Bag" (available at www.caabcustoms or ig @caabcustoms) that I packed last night was a me date that I planned for myself at a local hotel here in Atlanta.

Items:

Pink Himalayan Sea Salt

I am busy during the week taking care of both business and personal issues.  I rarely EVER take a soak it’s always a quick shower. The sea salt was packed as a reminder to slow down by having to take a bath I have to give me and my body time baths are not quick processes.  I added a few drops of peppermint and lavender essential oil to the salt prior to packing it. Sea Salt baths encourage the releasing of stress, detoxification, the are known to ease aches and pains of the body, and are great for many skin issues including eczema and acne.  NOTE- if you have circulatory issues consult your doctor before taking a sea based soak.

 

Glass Dildos

Whenever it’s not health necessary I prefer to not use condoms.  (When you are having sex with shared toys, a partner, or toys that have pores PLEASE USE PROTECTION) Glass dildos are super easy to clean and don’t cause as many skin irritations as many rubber/cyberskin based toys so I am free to use them without a condom.  They are super fun to put into the fridge or freezer and use cold. The temperature sensation feels better for me that the actual rubbing or penetration.

 

(if you want to learn more about the purple clitoral suction dildo I posted about please refer back to my two previous blog posts in the sexuality section of the blog)

 

Slippers

I feel sexy with cute things on my feet that don’t cover my whole feet.  I have a foot fetish I love my feet and I love seeing and touching others feet.  So while some may think a sexy pair of black heels are awesome I personally like cute girly slippers.  I also am trying to not walk around barefoot quite as much as getting pedicures all the damn time is getting expensive lol.

 

Mirror

I don’t really need to bring a mirror.  The mirror is a reminder for me to spend time in the mirror.  I have so many insecurities it’s not even funny. I am plus size.  I have never been skinny, but I have never been the weight I am now.  While I am currently losing weight it’s still causes an impact to my self esteem. I have to do work to remind myself TO LOVE MYSELF EVERYDAY.  Self esteem is not a packet of herbs I brought at the botanica and just sift into my tea every morning. It’s work! I only have one body I will never get another one.  I make myself stare at my face and body in the mirror. During sensual time with myself I now get out the shower dry off in front of the mirror, oil down in front of the mirror, and even masturbate in front of the mirror sometimes.  I realized that for a year I avoided mirrors. I avoided looking at my face and body, I was so ashamed and insecure that I didn’t even want to see what I looked like when I left the house sometimes. That was a bad year and I will NOT REPEAT those behaviors.  I rub my stomach and all of it’s stretch marks, I comb my kinky ass hair slowly, I massage my breast that aren’t perky anymore, and of course I admire those feet I have such a fetish for lol.

 

Slutty Oils/ Perfume

I love to glow.  I don’t care whether that glow is natural and something I added I am going to get that glow by any means necessary.  The glow added to my bag is what I call my heaux oil but Jade Fox Co ( @jadefoxco on IG) calls it Vixen. It’s natural based and feels so fucking good.  While I’m still damp I rub it all over my body (Except for my face) and it gives me a soft bronzy golden goddess shimmer without looking like a 1990’s Spice Girls Reject.  I think I may pay $10-15 for a bottle that lasts me a few months as I don’t use it daily. My perfume is also by the same business. I sprayed it on the hotel’s comforter and a couple of the pillows.

 

Nipple Covers

Sometimes I take slutty pics for myself.  Sometimes I take the to send to friends (yes I send my friends smut) or partners.  The nipple covers are for when I don’t want full nudity. I love fun wild designed nippled covers.  I currently and alternating between rainbow prints and glitter.

 

Elberry Sparkling Water

I am trying to give up majority of the sugar in my life.  I realized that when I give up sugar low and behold weight falls the fuck off, my skin clears up, and my vagina doesn’t know what a yeast infection is anymore.  So @jadefoxco owner Ashley Patrice put me on to fancy alternatives to sugary sweet drinks. Elderberry infused sparkling waters are low to no sugar having drinks that still taste good on the palette and they make me feel fancy on some real shit lol.  I generally get my from the rich natural section at Krogers or you can grab some from Traders Joes for under $2 a bottle.

 

Yoni Eggs

I wear yoni eggs almost every day.  When I am on my cycle I remove them.  When masturbating one in sometimes, during sex with a female partner I am also known to leave one in.  I feel like a treasure chest when I have a semiprecious stone hidden in my coochie. What can I say? (shrug) I am currently selling a few of the stones I love the best on my site under the “lifestyle” section of the store.

 

Selfie Stick

Makes the slutty hard to capture pictures possible.  $5 from Five And Below I have had mine for about 3 years and it is still going strong.

 

Candles (and lighter)

You already know they set the mood via softer lighting and smell.

 

Laptop:

My laptop is because I watch porn.  Sometimes reading arouses me and sometimes watching arouses me. An amazing blogger Raquel Savage recently explained that free porn tube sites are basically like raping the artists who create the content.  What paid monthly fee porn sites offer the most content and don’t hurt the creators?

 

Books:

I saved the best for last.  I am not some eloquent writer but I have a deep love for words.  My current faves are Royce Hall “Rioting at Dawn” and Nykieria Chaney “Fertile Ground”.  I will not post an artist’s complete work but here are a few lines from two of their poems.

 

Except From Midnight Whore- Chaney

...I’m not trying to wife you

No commited lives

Just trying to chisel some steel inside on you

Kiss roses chasing fire one monster at a time

Floating on curled toes

Twisted dancing on slick thighs

Violated bedside manners forgotten in thoughtless

Mutter

Insatiable desire full of greed and redemption

This ain’t your freedom song, I just wanna make

you cum...

 

Loving Venus- Hall

...Her clouds

Envelop my rising sun

Every evening

I become her moon

Submerged in her dark matter

As the tides elevates and flow

With every oblige to her wishes

I quilt her cosmos...


 

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Whipping My Skin Into Shape

DaVina HarveyComment

 

31 has me wanting to turn all types of leaves over.  I lost some weight, lost a boyfriend (juries out whether that was good or bad) , started loving myself ALOT more , and one of the more visible changes is I took control of my skin care.  Taking care of my skin is part of my self care and self love ritual system. This entry is more specifically based on my facial care. I tend to have problematic, irritable, picky ass skin.  I burn in the summer, I get eczema if the moon comes up at night, I had some chin hair thanks to my mothers genetics (yeah we are going to talk about this since you women like to pretend it doesn’t happen), I have adult acne that matured from teen acne lol, and I have darks marks from years of picking bumps.  I woke up and one day decided I had to figure this puzzle out. I wanted to be able to get up in the morning put some moisturizer on and feel pretty… I needed to feel confident… I needed to feel like I didn’t need makeup to look polished.

Dark Marks- I had mark marks that were years old.  I caused most of them from picking bumps and some from pulling the lovely chin hairs out.   I went to a Med Spa and with the help of a professional we made a plan which I tweaked a little.  The first step in my skin makeover was a professional chemical peel. I purchased 3 peels for $150  from a well known med spa in Atlanta.  (if you live in the Atlanta area please email me at thewyldelife@gmail.com for info ) I’ve only had the first one done and it was three months ago.  I get the next one in two weeks. The first one took about 5 minutes max to administer.  It was a weird tingly warm feeling more so than a burning and the tech made me feel super confident that all my skin wasn’t going to fall off into the floor.  I left the office with directions to stay out of the sun for a full week or so until my peeling ceased and to never go without SPF again because sun causes alot of our spotting and skin damage. The peeling lasted for about 5 -7 days it wasn’t ungodly looking at night I still went and ran errands I needed to perform without feeling like an oddity.  After a week I felt like a brand new women my skin looked better than it had in literally 15 years. I had a glow and most of my larger dark marks were gone. I can’t wait for the last two peels.

For my minor dark marks that are more superficial I am currently using Jade Fox & Co ( @jadefoxco) FineApple mask/serum it is my favorite product.  If I had to throw away all my facial regime I’d prob die if they found my Fineapple. It’’s fruit acid based and super gentle I use it twice a week.  Once a week I go to sleep in it and wipe it off in the morning and once a week I wear it while in the shower and wipe it off when I get out. It’s gotten rid of some of my minor spots and keeps me with a dewy glowy look.  I will have to stop using this product two weeks before my next acid peel. (GIVEAWAY ALERT- any one who reads this blog and purchases using my “WYLDE” code for 20% off at Jade Fox Co will be entered into a giveaway random drawing on Sunday for a free Fineapple from Jade and Gift Box from meeee)

Chin Hair- So some of you may be comfortable with the hairs on your “chinny chin chin” but I wasn’t.  The same tech that does my acid peel administered my laser hair removal services. Because I am a woman of color we went with the “Candela Yag”  If you are a woman of color it’s important to find a tech that deals with your skin type and has the proper machines. There are lots of hair removal lasers that will NOT work on a woman of color.  The facial hair removal process took about 2-5 minutes tops. The pain of getting my nipple pierced was worst. It felt like maybe 10 rubber band pops against my skin. I was red for about an hour once leaving and was again told to use SPF daily FOREVER and to stay out the sun for a week to allow my skin it’s rest and recoup time.  From the first session I saw a 75% decrease in hair and what grew back was super fine. Since the second session I am at about 85%. I see NO cons to this procedure. I had no negative side effects.

Acne- at night I wash my face with Jade Fox Co “Liquid Gold” if I feel a slight bit of eczema or acne coming I mix in a tiny bit of pure black soap.  (I NEVER use straight black soap on my skin as it can cause dryness or burning when used improperly. In the morning I wipe my face with generic UNSCENTED baby wipes.  I do not use a cleanser again in the morning. Also when a breakout occurs I leave bumps the FUCK ALONE. On the rare occasion I get one I no longer touch them I let time and face care take care of them.  I’d rather have a bump for 1-2 days that a scar for years.

Diet is also a big part of your skin care.  Alot of my acne was diet based. I gave up sugar with the exception of 1-2 servings of low sugar fruits a day.  I guzzle water like a camel dehydrated after a desert run. I don’t drink juices and sodas anymore. I also stay away from greasy and fried foods because they things were showing through my skin.

Eczema- at night after washing my face while I am still damp I use my Calendula Serum (which I now have available for sale) mixed with 100% shea butter.  The Calendula is okay for day time use also, the shea butter is NOT it is too heavy for day time wear. For day time moisture I mix my Calendula serum with La Roche Posay SPF moisturizer.  I have not had a flare of eczema in over 6 months.

SPF- I wear sunscreen everyday.  I use La Roche Posay because it’s sensitive and great for problematic skin  but Neutragena has a cheap one for about $7 that’s awesome. NEVER go a day without sunscreen, wear hats at the pool and the beach.  Protect your skin it’s the largest organ you have.

Hygiene/ Linen- I use a new wash cloth on my face every night.  I don’t use the same wash cloth I use on my body that I use on my face.  I also change my pillow case 2x a week and every morning spray it with Jade Fox Co linen spray.

I am more confident now that I have an established regime.  I feel more confident on camera and posting myself. I feel better talking to people in public. Your skin is the first thing people see.  It’s speaks for you sometimes. If you are having skin issues and not sure what to do please reach out to @jadefoxco she does skin consults.  Alsoooo she rocks so much she is letting you all have 20% off all orders when you use the code “WYLDE” until Saturday at midnight EST. So get on it!

Not the best picture lol but yall better take it.  This picture is from August 31st, 2018. I’ll post another compare and contrast pic in two months. :)

 


 

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Pt 2 of the Orlena: How I Use Mine + Finding My Clit

SexualityDaVina Harvey1 Comment

Your pussy is complex… we will spend years mastering makeup artistry, hair styles, and dance moves but won’t spend the same time with our vagina. (and trust me  learning your vagina is way more fun that any of the arts above) I have had over thirty women let me know that they had purchased the “Orlena” clitoral suction vibrator and I have had so many happy “I soaked the bed” or “my hubby is jealous” reviews but I have also had a handful of ladies that let me know they experienced slim to nothing with the use of this life saving toy.  That tells me one of two things… 1) you nerves are fucked and you could burn your clit with the raging fires or hell and you wouldn’t feel anything in which case you need to seek medical help OR 2) you don’t know how the fuck to drive your vagina.

 

Your vagina isn’t just a fucking hole.  You don’t ask her to get wet, stick something in it 20 times, and the “wallaaaa” and orgasm happens.  You have your labias (both majora / and minora ) in this entry we will call them “lips”, your clitoral hood, and your actual clit.  You have a bunch of other shit going on down there also but baby steps we will talk about those other parts another time, for this we are going to focus on the parts this toy loves on.  

 

If when you decide to use the Orlena you are not already lubricated grab some of your favorite lube ( I generally purchase mine which is organic and seaweed based from @vavavoomllc ) and give you your about a dime size amout to rub around between your lips and around your clit.  I also put 1-2 drops inside the white suction “mouth” of the vibrator. Start the vibrator on level 1 open your lips gently push your hood back or away from your clit and apply the mouth or the Orlena to the actual bulb of the clit (the fleshy round baby penis looking part). It might not be perfect the first time...Hell I’m a masturbation queen and sometimes I still have to feel and readjust to get things lined up perfectly.  The first time you feel like that intense “lightening bult” or “I am going to piss if I keep doing this” feeling you know you have it right! Continue on that spot and as you can take it speed the levels up.

 

When I have it placed correctly and I’m in the grove I do one of two things.

1- I squeeze my walls and muscles together on the inside as if I’m doing kegels and I hold it together the whole time I’m vibing myself

OR

2- I push out like I have to pee and I hold the feeling for as long as I can while I’m holding the vibrator on my clit.

Either way I do it even when the feeling gets super itense and I get the urge to move the toy off of direct contact I still hold it there.  It’s hard you might scream and you might make some ugly ass Jurassic Park dinosuar type noises but in the end it is worth it. I generally can orgasm within 1-3 minutes tops and 50% of the time I can squirt when using one of the two methods above.

 

I have included a quick video and a few pics explaining where the different vagina parts are the I mentioned above are located… feel free to use the comment section below and share this article and toy idea with a friend.

NOTE: The photo below is a slide show. Click the photo to see more pics.

My New TOY! Orlena Clitoral Suction Vibrator

SexualityDaVina HarveyComment

Listennnnn I have had sex toys since I was a masturbating teenager.  My cousins girlfriend snuck me into a sex store when I was 16 and she was like 18/19 and brought me my first toy.  She said she would rather me be at home with a toy then out in the streets lol.  Little did she know that it would cause a lifelong obsession for finding the perfect masturbatory tool.  

 Until I ordered the "Orlena" my favorite toy was the rabbit.  I would pay $20-80 for a rabbit of different brands and after 3-6 months they would die on me.  They would stop rotating, or kill batteries in 20 minutes (hell sometimes my sessions run long), or they would just conk out completely after a while.  Some of the toys did great but none of them accomplished what this vibrator did.  This toy is the "LESBIAN MOUTHS" of toys.... and if you ladies have ever experienced it...nothing beats a lesbian mouth.

The reviews on amazon and on google of this toy are amazing! And it beats paying $70-200 for it's upscale cousin at the boutique sex shops.  Because who wants to pay that much that fucking much for an orgasm????  It's on amazon for $35 free PRIME shipping and arrives in 1-2 days.  I was stalking amazon waiting for my sweet baby to arrive.

When it came the box was super discreet.  I was happy about that don't want my holy mail lady knowing I'm about to knock my own walls down do I?  It was super easy to figure out how to figure out how to charge it (and it came with a free charge ...YAY NO MORE BATTERY RUNS OR STEALING BATTERIES OUT OF REMOTES) it took about 30-45 mins to fully charge although it says give it 1-2 hours.  Once it charged I was so excited to try it.  I laid down not even aroused (ie...wet) and placed it on my man in the boat...it was amazing five seconds was enough for me to know that I was in love.  

I think if I was handcuffed and a partner was holding it to me the experience would be a little better because sometimes it feels so good I can't keep my hand still.  It's is def an item I would add to the newly forming BDSM treasure trunk.  I used it for about 5 minutes on low while watching porn and had a mini gusher orgasm.

Ladies I give this a 5/5 star... I'm happy! 

PS- if you order one please leave a review on amazon as this is a new company and mention that you heard about it from @breewylde in the review.  Thanks ladies.  IF you have any sex toys or products you are in love with please shoot me an email.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B075RF33ZD/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

 

Exploring Kink While Brown... Journey beginning (Part 1:1)

SexualityDaVina Harvey1 Comment

I’m currently just trying to live life.  You know all the regular things… drink water, eat fresh, twists my afro up at night, and determine what kinks and fetishes float my boat.  This year I’m try to be the best me and as a grown woman I feel part of the best is determining where on the sexual kink spectrum I fall.  What purpose is sex (sexual activities) if you are not doing the things your body and spirit want to do?  I ended 2017 on a search.  I searched for websites, groups of people, educational forums that meet locally, and in person clubs or facilities.  I succeeded in finding page after page worth of information,  I found awesome websites, and even connected with a few people. There was a slight gap in the information I found...the brown people were missing.

I am all for loving everyone.  I love purple, black, pink, and orange equally.  Though with intimate things and issues dealing with my comfort level I do feel more secure and open with people from my own culture.  Sex and kink are some of the most intimate things that I could possible be delving into and to not see myself present in that realm kind of bothers me.  When I needed to learn how to care for my natural hair I turned to my community, when I needed help with eating healthy I went to my community, but when finding out how to delve deeper into my sexuality I’m out here alone?

The mentality that black people have when it comes to sex and kink obviously has some historical and psychology based roots, but I can’t dim my sexual flamefor hangups others have.   This month I will be attending a kink meet and greet, I will be attending a BDSM dungeon, a munch , and buying a few toys and books.  I’ll be posting videos and pictures when I can to chronicle my journey.  Wish me luck!

Superwoman Syndrome

DaVina HarveyComment
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I am NOT your superwoman.  I am NOT your superwoman.  I am NOT your superwoman.  The fact that I have to religiously chant this mantra to myself as much as I wipe my ass is an issue.  I do not know how to date.  I do not know how to treat a partner like a partner instead of a project, a child, a fucking dependant.  At this point in my life I need a PARTNER.  I need that grownup who is willing to discuss the unsexy details...the credit score, the retirement plan, our goals in helping our community, hell even our workout plan because this stomach ain’t cutting it.  I do not need the one who is complaining because they can not quite obtain full time status at work, the one who does not even know how to check their credit score, the one who looks to me for every time they have to sign THEIR OWN name on something.  

The dictionary defines a partner as: “a person who takes part in an undertaking with another and shares both the RISKS and the PROFITS. For a long time I entered into relationships where I was the DEPENDENT.  My last girlfriend fed me, paid my cell phone bill, sometimes my rent, clothed me, she even had me attending her esthetician and replaced my whole face care regime.  I was not the right fit for her.  She was a loving giving woman and deserved someone who was closer to her station in life, not deserved it because money makes you more worthy, but deserved it because working hard and obtaining success should be rewarded with a partner to match that success instead of an “adult child” who adds to your workload.  I had lover after lover  who financially footed the bill for my life.  Having experienced the receiving end of SuperWoman Syndrome for so long I felt as if I owed the universe something.  I felt like these last few times that I needed to over do it, cover all bases, provide for all needs as some form of reciprocity for all that I had drained away from others.  On a subconscious level I felt I was owned some type of energetic karmatic punishment for fronting as a partner with people I could never had been a true partner with at the time they were with me.  

My last relationship lasted a little over a year.  It oddly was damn near similar to one right prior to that one.  I fell into the pattern of being a man’s EVERYTHING.  A man should not need me to be his everything.  These men did not need me to be their everything.  These men did not ask me to be their everything.  I volunteered those services.  I volunteered extra work and stress unto myself.  I can’t even blame the men.  I take full responsible for it onto myself.  Who would blame someone for accepting somebody’s offer to do the world for them?  I was a maid, I learned to be a chef (well I learned how to make a few crock pot meal), I was an at home porn store, a mother, a financial advisor, a therapist...I was too fucking much.  I was not a partner.  I was on the giving end I was the one taking all the risk and hoping that there was going to be some huge payoff in the end.  

The payoff never came.  At the end of two years worth of relationships/situationships I was overworked and drained.  I had done more at times for these men than I would do for myself.  I was tired, I was empty, I was resentful. Tired and empty didn’t turn into bitter for me.  I accept my place in everything that happens to me, I accept the parts that I caused,  I accept what made me act a certain way, I accept what at one time made me think a certain way.  I accepted it all, learned from it all, and am now trying to change these behaviors.  

My Mantra

I will not be my partners sex slave- I don’t have to do any and everything I see on xporn to be deserved. I don’t have to go out or my moral or physical comfort zone for a partners pleasure.

I will not be my partners therapist- it is one thing for a person to explain to me an issue they are having.  It’s another that after I offer the support or opinion I feel comfortable with they feel as if I am obligated to help them fix the issue.  It’s not okay to have a serious mental or emotional health issue and put those burdens on my plate.  I am an adult I have emotions I have to keep balanced.  Insurance cover mental health visits and when you don’t have insurance there are low cost options...I’ve found them.

I will not be my partners bank- paying for alternating dates is okay with me.  Treating you to gifts on my choice is okay with me.  Going into my savings and my security net because you can not regularly meet your financial obligations is not okay with me.

I will not be  my partners hotel- a partner will not use my home to escape their home whenever they choose.  You will not leave your belongings in my home.  You will not have a key to my home.  You will not show up to my home unannounced.

I will not be  my partners mother- I cannot and will not raise you.  I can show you how I like and dislike being treated what you choose to adhere to is your choice.  I cannot install morals, a backbone, patience, kindness, or any of the other things your parents forgot to do.

Once Upon A Time Not Long Ago... I Was A Ho...

DaVina HarveyComment
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Musiq Soul Child said “I wouldn’t care if you were a prostitute and fucked every man that you ever knew”  while he was awesome for feeling that way sadly very few other people roaming the earth share that sentiment.  Me being able to say that I own and accept my sexuality and the past that it comes with is completely different from my partner owning the same said sexuality and it’s history.

For a year plus I was in a relationship with someone who saw every one of my past partners in bed with us whenever we were intimate.  In arguments these partners were often used as ammo to cause me pain and to make emotionally abusive points.  He loved everything that I had learned from those past partners because it made him feel good physically but emotionally he was torn.  I was constantly asked about the size of his penis, whether I missed having sex with women, whether I was cheating, and a host of other questions.  The questions were not nearly as bad as the comments.  My fave was “Are you fucking my father!”... um that would be a no.  (He gave me a crash course in the fact that abuse in a relationship is not limited to physical.)

When I first start dating I am open and honest about: who I am currently active with, sexual infection/disease history, and pretty much anything else that is asked.  The only thing that I do not disclose is how many people I have had sex with.  It is not so much that I am embarrassed and do not want to share the count, it is because I never kept or attempted to keep some running talley because I don’t care.  

I am no longer interested in ANYONE who is hung up on my past sex instead of the current or future sex that he/she and I will be having.  There is no magic “normal” number of partners that make you worth more or less than the next person.  If they can not accept and love all of my fully then we are not compatible.  If they can not respect and appreciate that I am transparent sexually and love getting tested with my partners to have the safest possible sex then we are not compatible.  I love myself too much to allow someone else’s opinion of my bed history to determine how I feel about myself.  

 

Acceptable Questions To Ask Me:

  1. How many partners do you currently have?

  2. Do you have any STD’s/ Have you ever had any STD’s?

  3. When was the last time you were tested? Do you have the paperwork?

  4. What things make you uncomfortable sexually?

 

Celibacy… The Shit Ain’t As Easy As I Thought ( Part 1:1)

SexualityDaVina HarveyComment
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This is probably assumed to be a weird topic coming from me.  For those who know me personally and those who follow me online I definitely give off the air of being sexually confident..but that’s just an air.  At 30 I need to step back and examine some of the choices I am making when dealing with my body.  Some people shop, others have video games, some have food, some have the gym (hell that is the hobby my ass is trying to get into), but for me when boredom strikes I have orgasms.   Sometimes given from my own hands, a toy, or other times from another’s various body parts.  Either way they are given I know without a doubt that sex isn’t and shouldn’t be a cure all for my boredom.

A few months ago I had an um “eye opening” experience.  Kim (owner of @vavavoomllc ) a good friend of mine and I decided to have a night out on the town and then splurge on a fancy hotel room since we hadn’t seen each other in almost a year.  When I got into town I checked into the hotel room.  I showered laid out my outfit to wear out with my friend and then I was BORED.  So out of boredom I pulled out my phone and called this 40 year old guy who we will call “The Giant” who was gifted with the tongue of life and told him to come through.  Within a half hour “The Giant” was there.  Now to most this story doesn’t seem like it’s going in a bad direction but it definitely did.

"The Giant" walked into the room and immediately began questioning me about my personal life.  Um…  “nigga you know my pussy not me stop questioning me” is what my head was thinking but I knew if I answered as such the head would leave out the door with him.  So instead I made up lies to whatever he asked.  After 20 fucking questions was over he proceeded to get into my hotel room shower. FUCK NO!

1- you didn’t bring any towels or washcloths sir and those are for me and Kim

2- the ones I don’t use during my hotel room stay I steal and take home

3- a whole shower means you think your whole body is about to be in use. Bree is just here for the head!

I knew from the questions and the shower that I was not only going to get a nut but also a headache.  When he got out the shower he didn’t even dry off all the way before he laid his damp jolly green 6’4 giant ass on the bed.  But that’s okay because I had already stripped off the good linen and put that scratchy cheap fleece blanket over the bed that they keep in the closet for sofa bed usage. You weren’t going to sweat drool or get your man self over the sheets Kim and I had to sleep on later tonight.

He started to give me head.  I laid back and relaxed.  This nigga ate pussy like it was the last meal.  He was showing my pussy and asshole equal attention like they were one in the same! Gosh if I only liked him as much as I liked what he could do.  AND THEN he started fucking talking again… “whose pussy is it” nigga not yours “who eats the best pussy” um I can name a few people in a few other states that can contend with your oral game “you gonna squirt for me” um I might squirt and piss “you gonna take this dick” nigga you know I’m not.  After literally 5mins I started to cum in his face (well his mouth to be more specific).  He swallowed like a lost man in the desert finding a water bottle.  I got to cum about 3 times before he stopped and I was drained.  I thought we were done.  I thought he would dry that dripping ass beard and leave me the hell alone.

Boy was I wrong.  He crawls up to the side of my head and there’s this huge damn near footlong penis just chilling beside my face.  I wish you could have seen how fast I got some energy.  I hopped off that bed so quick!  What the fuck was he thinking! I texted you and told you I needed head not dick!  After I hop off the bed he goes into this long monologue “I mean every time I see you I do what you need blah blah blah my dick is hard blah blah blah I got condoms blah blah.” After 3 minutes of this I was irritated.  Being the modern woman that I am I travel with my own condoms and lube.  I squirted some lube in a condom slipped the condom on his dick and proceeded to jack this grown ass man off into a condom.  Your sperm was not touching my fucking skin.  He was highly offended and I highly didn’t fucking care.  

After he had came and flushed his baby jelly filled condom down the toilet he wanted to talk some more.  “Where are you going tonight?”  “Can I come over later?” … to get him out the room I told him he could come back over after Kim and I had gone out.  I did this fully well knowing that Kim and I were NOT having company in that room later.  Long story short that baby lie I told ended up having this man

1- stalking our room at 2am sitting in the parking lot telling Kim and I via text that he saw us walking around the room naked.

2- calling and texting my cell phone back to back for 2 hours

3- calling the hotel room phone

4- banging on the hotel room door

5- having the front desk call upstairs to the room to let me know that I had a “guest” downstairs waiting

This was too fucking much over some head.  I knew a change had to be made.

This story was the catalyst for my change.  I had way too many similar stories of me wanting to cum and at the end  me being left with  my nut but also with aggravation.   There were times when I fucked up my time because of sex, fucked up my emotions because of sex, fucked up other people’s emotions because of sex, fucked up my health because of sex (the Gonorrhea episode of 2010 shall not be forgotten), fucked up money because of sex, or just fucked up and gave the wrong person sex who didn’t deserve it.  I needed a clean slate.  I needed to give my heart, mind, and vagina a break.

I’m going to give December 1st my celibacy anniversary date.  I’m going to mark that as the date I officially made a mental decision to step away from sex for a while to evaluate the reasons I have it and the consequences that come along with it.  This is just part one sis (or bro I’m pretty sure there are some men reading this too) stick with me as I come to terms with what sex means to me, whether I’m okay with certain trade offs that sex comes with, what my terms of celibacy are, what hobbies and habits I’m picking up in order to not think of sex as much, the positive impact from my celibacy, and the struggle to keep true to my six month goal.

 

 

Pasts Only Haunt The Weak...

Self GrowthDaVina Harvey

 

There isn’t shit you can tell me about myself or things I have done in the past that I don’t already know.  Lovebug I fucking lived through it.  The distances in which we as women will go through to drag another woman’s name in the mud via her past are disgusting at times.  You can only fight the mud slinging with acceptance of everything you have done in your past.  I accept EVERYTHING about me and I don’t look for your acceptance of the road I took to get to where I am.  

I was a Hoe.  (say it out loud, text it, fuck chant it in prayer and meditation iif need be lol) It’s not a hard phrase to put into words.  I WAS A HOE.  I wasn’t the stereotypical type that slept with a few boys in my highschool, maybe some in the college, and then a few at the job like most women.  Nope...I was more so the type that slept with the gentlemen that didn’t mind getting a nice telly and paying a set hourly rate.  For those of you who are a little slow...I mean I was the type of a hoe that could have paid taxes on her type of hoeing.  It was a phase, I was emotionally damaged, and spiritually broken.  I didn’t know myself and it offered closeness and money at the same time.  While I don’t condone the field of work for anyone I understand now why I did what I did.

I don’t mind sharing that because I am a damn near 31 year old woman.  I love myself.  I love the journey I have made thus far and the journey that I am on.  I understand that had I have not gone through what I did and made the choices that I did back then I wouldn’t have the compassion and understanding that I have now.  Someone of you should make hiding your past a full time job with all the energy and time you put into it.  It is harder to hide than it is to be open and accept it happened.  The freedom you feel when you officially give up the fucks given about what people know about you is something you can’t explain.

 

I am loving because of my past…

I am compassionate and understanding of things outside of social norms because of my past…

I am an amazing understanding of relationships and keeping a mate happy because of my past…

I am less likely to judge and more likely to comfort another woman going through something sexually because of my past…

Hell I know how to please myself better than half yall out there because of my past…

I am strong because it takes strength to find the positives in the hurtful shit that you did and use them to your advantage to grow as a woman because of my past…

My past made me.  I won’t hide it. I won’t apologize for it. I won’t let anyone make me feel guilty over it.  I have a few younger women in my life that mean just as much as family does to me and they know pretty much everything about me.  I let them know it all the good and the bad because I don’t want them to be tempted to relive some of the choices I made when I was younger when they can learn from my mistakes instead.  Hiding from truths doesn’t benefit those that could be learning from you.  Not benefiting and teaching those around you means you aren’t living up to your full potential.  Not living to your full ability means you aren’t living your life fully because WE ARE HERE TO HELP OTHERS.  

Submission Vs. Subservient

RelationshipsDaVina Harvey

Submission: the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

 

Subservient: prepared to obey others unquestioningly, less important

 

Submissive DOES NOT MEAN subservient.  It amazes me how many pseudo internet feminist (#Iaintnofeminist) get their panties in a bunch up their asses over the word submissive. Submission means that I have seen how you lead and live your life. You lead and live by example, and the examples you set are positive and the life you live is fruitful.  I have seen that by your past actions you have not only your interests at heart but ours as a unit also.  You have given me no reason to believe that you will not protect me or that you would hurt me.  So I will allow one of us to lead so that life will not come to a stand still every time we can not come to perfect agreement on something.  

I date both men and women.  In both types of relationships that I tend to become involved in I am submissive.  I have to be aggressive with work and my spirit and energy needs a break or a cool down period in my personal life.  I need to be able to relax and use my goddess energy in a non-bossy manner so to speak.  Now that I am 28 I am looking for a long term partner, a partner who I am willing to make important decisions with.  So when I date I have to look for people who: I admire their strength, I feel are intelligent, giving, who show concern for my thoughts and opinions, and have some of the same basic moral guidelines as I have. I date with the intention on hopefully growing to become more than dating.  I don’t mindlessly date any longer.  So the people I date I have to make sure that from the dates and spending time with them I see traits that I would not mind submitting to were we to build a relationship.  

I can’t build with a selfish person.  I can’t build with a person who every time they see a child acting out their response is that child needs his or her ass beat.  I can’t build with a person who is in a financial rut isn’t trying to build their credit and doesn’t know how to save money.  I can’t build with a person who isn’t a communicator and compromiser because these aren’t traits I welcome in my life.   I have to build with someone I can see as a leader, provider, and protector. Life has submission, Look at packs of lions, look at ants, look at the government.  Submission and order  comes into play in so many aspects of life.

Subservient means that I don’t have an opinion or thought process of my own that I feel is important.  It means I will blindly and unquestioningly follow you for whatever reason.  Being subservient is dangerous, at times can lead to abuse, and you damn near might as well be a slave at the end of the day.

At the end of the day everyone has to live with a dynamic that makes them happy.  Hell maybe there are some relationships that are run sucessfully like a democracy.  (shrug) Confuses me as to how one holds a vote when there is only two people involved but if you like it I love it.  I want to be a mother, a nurturer, a wife.  I want a provider, a protector, a leader, someone of strength by my side.  As a gift for doing the things my spirit craves and giving my the balance my energy needs I am willing to give my submission… my SUPPORT.

Submission I promise is why some of the Hoes of the world be out here winning.  They know how to give it.  They know how to make a royal feel like a leader and provider.  They make royals feel happy to give and provide.  So while some of ya’ll out here quoting Eartha Kitt no compromising ass I’m going to be at home learning the appropriate oils to mix for my future royals skin and hair, learning how to cook some things, and laughing at the fact that some of you women hold tighter to Neyo’s “Miss Independent” lyrics that you do a healthy relationship and the chance at happiness.  #countryraised #mycousinsandIwilltakeyourdamnmanandkeephim #Iwearcrownregardless #submission #submissive

A Letter To My Kings (written 2 years ago at 28)

RelationshipsDaVina Harvey

A Letter To My Kings

I value and appreciate you for who you are.   I love you and I will always need you.  There isn’t anyone who can replace you.  I would not exist without you, my future children will you need you.

There are times when I cry because I do not understand the pain that you go through or the fear that you feel, or maybe it’s because I feel like you  do not understand the pain that I go through or the fear that I feel.  In the middle of the frustration I mistake you acting out of pain and fear as you not caring. 

I am a 28 year old black woman.  I fear being mediocre.  I fear not accomplishing my purpose.  I fear getting tired or losing hope and vision before I accomplish my purpose.  I fear being at the wrong place at the wrong time with an angry cop.  I fear being judged for being too black, not black enough, too young, too old, too fat, to fucking female, hell not female enough.  

So many of the fears that I have are mine alone and you can’t help with them.  But I have pains and fears that you can help with.  It pains me to know that some of you don’t value my intelligence and the strides I make in business and myself to further our family and culture.  It pains me that some of you have made poor decisions in the past in choosing who you shared your seed with and now when you are at your greatest and should be growing our community you are scared.  It pains me that you don’t realize that just because I am not your “Cut buddy”, your “boo thang”, your “wifey” that you feel I am not worthy or in need or your help and support.  It pains me that some of you do not want to commit.  It pains me that when my sisters and I share these fears and concerns you down play our hurt...

In the middle of being upset for days straight I had the above conversation with kings in my life.  Because I was so caught up in my pain and opinions I didn’t really go about the conversations the right way. I forgot that hurt people hurt people and in this situation I was hurting and extending my hurt to an already hurt group of people.  I forgot that YOU are my KINGS and I am your Queen no matter how hurt I am.  And that unless we heal each other nothing but hurt is going to come from us.

I forgot that these same hurt Kings that I was hurting with my words and my thoughtlessly given opinions were the same kings that: take photos for free for me EVERY time I ask, that shoot and edit videos for me and my sisters without payment, that do all the lifting and grunt work around my house because my ass clearly isn’t going to do it, the same kings that text and call to make sure me and the other women get in safe, the same kings that offer to take 1 or 2 of us out to eat at once sometimes at their expense, the ones that offer endless advice and help.  The same Kings that give so much of their energy to us sometimes with nothing in exchange.  I love you all more than some of you know even though at times I am so caught up in self that I don’t say it or show it.  I know your worth and have a need for you that will never end.

I know that the pain you feel is real and has validity.  I know that so many messages tell you that you are not worthy of love and that you are not going to amount to anything.  Never is it my place, my right, or my want to add to those negative messages.  I am apart of your support system.  I am sorry.  

We have too much as a community that we do not discuss.  We have too much that we don’t share and keep bottled up until we are angry.  When it’s shared it comes out as anger and not love.  We can’t afford that.  I don’t know the answer to fix all the issues we have, but I know ignoring and pretending they don’t exist isn’t it. I love you so much.  I want so much from you… but there’s so much I want to share with you also.

Your  Sister ... Your Queen... Your Supporter