Musiq Soul Child said “I wouldn’t care if you were a prostitute and fucked every man that you ever knew” while he was awesome for feeling that way sadly very few other people roaming the earth share that sentiment. Me being able to say that I own and accept my sexuality and the past that it comes with is completely different from my partner owning the same said sexuality and it’s history.
For a year plus I was in a relationship with someone who saw every one of my past partners in bed with us whenever we were intimate. In arguments these partners were often used as ammo to cause me pain and to make emotionally abusive points. He loved everything that I had learned from those past partners because it made him feel good physically but emotionally he was torn. I was constantly asked about the size of his penis, whether I missed having sex with women, whether I was cheating, and a host of other questions. The questions were not nearly as bad as the comments. My fave was “Are you fucking my father!”... um that would be a no. (He gave me a crash course in the fact that abuse in a relationship is not limited to physical.)
When I first start dating I am open and honest about: who I am currently active with, sexual infection/disease history, and pretty much anything else that is asked. The only thing that I do not disclose is how many people I have had sex with. It is not so much that I am embarrassed and do not want to share the count, it is because I never kept or attempted to keep some running talley because I don’t care.
I am no longer interested in ANYONE who is hung up on my past sex instead of the current or future sex that he/she and I will be having. There is no magic “normal” number of partners that make you worth more or less than the next person. If they can not accept and love all of my fully then we are not compatible. If they can not respect and appreciate that I am transparent sexually and love getting tested with my partners to have the safest possible sex then we are not compatible. I love myself too much to allow someone else’s opinion of my bed history to determine how I feel about myself.
Acceptable Questions To Ask Me:
How many partners do you currently have?
Do you have any STD’s/ Have you ever had any STD’s?
When was the last time you were tested? Do you have the paperwork?
What things make you uncomfortable sexually?