I am NOT your superwoman. I am NOT your superwoman. I am NOT your superwoman. The fact that I have to religiously chant this mantra to myself as much as I wipe my ass is an issue. I do not know how to date. I do not know how to treat a partner like a partner instead of a project, a child, a fucking dependant. At this point in my life I need a PARTNER. I need that grownup who is willing to discuss the unsexy details...the credit score, the retirement plan, our goals in helping our community, hell even our workout plan because this stomach ain’t cutting it. I do not need the one who is complaining because they can not quite obtain full time status at work, the one who does not even know how to check their credit score, the one who looks to me for every time they have to sign THEIR OWN name on something.
The dictionary defines a partner as: “a person who takes part in an undertaking with another and shares both the RISKS and the PROFITS. For a long time I entered into relationships where I was the DEPENDENT. My last girlfriend fed me, paid my cell phone bill, sometimes my rent, clothed me, she even had me attending her esthetician and replaced my whole face care regime. I was not the right fit for her. She was a loving giving woman and deserved someone who was closer to her station in life, not deserved it because money makes you more worthy, but deserved it because working hard and obtaining success should be rewarded with a partner to match that success instead of an “adult child” who adds to your workload. I had lover after lover who financially footed the bill for my life. Having experienced the receiving end of SuperWoman Syndrome for so long I felt as if I owed the universe something. I felt like these last few times that I needed to over do it, cover all bases, provide for all needs as some form of reciprocity for all that I had drained away from others. On a subconscious level I felt I was owned some type of energetic karmatic punishment for fronting as a partner with people I could never had been a true partner with at the time they were with me.
My last relationship lasted a little over a year. It oddly was damn near similar to one right prior to that one. I fell into the pattern of being a man’s EVERYTHING. A man should not need me to be his everything. These men did not need me to be their everything. These men did not ask me to be their everything. I volunteered those services. I volunteered extra work and stress unto myself. I can’t even blame the men. I take full responsible for it onto myself. Who would blame someone for accepting somebody’s offer to do the world for them? I was a maid, I learned to be a chef (well I learned how to make a few crock pot meal), I was an at home porn store, a mother, a financial advisor, a therapist...I was too fucking much. I was not a partner. I was on the giving end I was the one taking all the risk and hoping that there was going to be some huge payoff in the end.
The payoff never came. At the end of two years worth of relationships/situationships I was overworked and drained. I had done more at times for these men than I would do for myself. I was tired, I was empty, I was resentful. Tired and empty didn’t turn into bitter for me. I accept my place in everything that happens to me, I accept the parts that I caused, I accept what made me act a certain way, I accept what at one time made me think a certain way. I accepted it all, learned from it all, and am now trying to change these behaviors.
I will not be my partners sex slave- I don’t have to do any and everything I see on xporn to be deserved. I don’t have to go out or my moral or physical comfort zone for a partners pleasure.
I will not be my partners therapist- it is one thing for a person to explain to me an issue they are having. It’s another that after I offer the support or opinion I feel comfortable with they feel as if I am obligated to help them fix the issue. It’s not okay to have a serious mental or emotional health issue and put those burdens on my plate. I am an adult I have emotions I have to keep balanced. Insurance cover mental health visits and when you don’t have insurance there are low cost options...I’ve found them.
I will not be my partners bank- paying for alternating dates is okay with me. Treating you to gifts on my choice is okay with me. Going into my savings and my security net because you can not regularly meet your financial obligations is not okay with me.
I will not be my partners hotel- a partner will not use my home to escape their home whenever they choose. You will not leave your belongings in my home. You will not have a key to my home. You will not show up to my home unannounced.
I will not be my partners mother- I cannot and will not raise you. I can show you how I like and dislike being treated what you choose to adhere to is your choice. I cannot install morals, a backbone, patience, kindness, or any of the other things your parents forgot to do.