There are so many rules involved in everyday living. For a woman the rules are even more specific. Don’t be too loud… too colorful… too bold… too happy…. too orgasmic. Basically the message for a women is “don’t feel anything or do anything too strongly”. House and home is for us...sex is for “them”. I’m thirty-one and I’m too old to live a life that follows those rules. Everything I do has to make me happy. I no longer live for my family, friends, or partner… so I damn sure don’t live for societies approval. Last night I attended an beautiful event in support of my sister Dizzy ( @ohdizzy on instagram). It opened me up to things I had not experienced before and made me aware that I living my life more fully is one of the most beautiful and fulfilling things I can do for myself right now.
Dizzy is a Miami raised sexual educator newly moved to Atlanta. She teaches everything from proper care of sexual toys, to bondage, to squirting. The topic in which my body served as her subject last night was “Forced Orgasm”. We all know Wikipedia isn’t exactly a scholarly source but it did damn good on the definition for forced orgasm. According to wikipedia a forced orgasm is “a form of orgasm control in which a partner sexually stimulates a submissive partner to the point of the submissives involuntary orgasm, with the submissive trying to restrain the onset of the orgasm. Sometimes in bdsm restraints are used”. In my case Ty (a brown femme Dom based in Atlanta whom I will be blogging about at a later date) restrained my wrists and legs with a soft broken in jute rope. The beautiful knots and tying she did was enough to keep me from closing my legs and moving my arms but loose enough that I could move my hands and lift or shift my butt and hips.
Until last night other than basic Amazon bed x shaped leg and arm restraints I had never been tied up. I loved it. I laid upon a black vinyl sheet used in bdsm for its ease of cleaning in the middle of a room with an audience waiting as Ty started to work. Ty was soft, sure, and sensual. I know for a fact that there is only so much I would let a male dom do to me and that even still whatever he did would have to be sensual and not purely sadist based. A sadist is a person who gets pleasure whether sexual or not from causing pain or humiliation to another. I’m not willing to let a male...hell probably not even a female take that kink out on my body.
I was nervous. I’m plus sized living in Atlanta a city where it’s normal to see a sixty-five year old woman with her body done. Majority of those in attendance last night were owners of slim bodies and perky tits. I counted to three disrobed and laid my ass down. While Ty was tying me up I heard some of the coolest comments. A few were about how the liked bbws and there were murmurs of excitement while I kind of expected at least 1-2 people to be voicing the opposite. What I will say is I’m damn glad I went to see Kim (my waxer and sister at @vavavoomllc ) for a wax a few days ago because otherwise they were going to have gotten a view of my baby bear pussy and asshole. I do know that after being naked and vulnerable in the room on display last night that I’m much more willing to do so in many other forums in the future. If you are feeling an apprehension about sharing your body visually with others my advice is to JUST FUCKING DO IT! It gets easier and easier with time.
Every who touched me had positive energy around them and you could feel the intention. I had a woman rubbing my scalp and playing in my hair, someone was playing with my nipples, occasionally Dizzy’s suction toy (Which is AMAZING AND BEATS MINE) was being dragged across my body and onto my nipples, and DIzzy and SIr ( a male dom who’s info I will include below) took turns using the Ultimate Shibari massager (think Hitachi with a mega grapefruit size head) and the clit suction vibrator on my clitoras and vaginal area.
While they were doing this I was unintentionally fighting it in the beginning. I don’t know why I think it’s a natural thing that I’ve always done. I was clenching and avoiding moving and making noise. Noise is natural but again we hide sex and expression of strong feeling so I was trying to be quite. Dizzy kept telling me soothingly that it was okay to make noise and within 4 or 5 minutes I was screaming like a fucking banshee. The session went on for what felt like twenty to thirty minutes. My legs were shaking, I literally had tears streaming down my eyes (and Sir’s submissive lovingly wiped them up). After two orgasms I didn’t care that I was naked, I felt no insecurities I just wanted to cum over and over again. Feeling the warm liquid come out of my vagina when I came, feeling my clitorus bud up, feeling my vagina contract with my cumming was so amazing. I was aware of it all. The talking of the watchers fueled my excitement even more. Which makes me think I may have a bit of a “look at me being nasty” kink lol.
.... now I need to go answer dms about this lovely night ladies… I will cover the “knife play” and “cutting” portion tomorrow…