The Wylde Life

Relationships

Submission Vs. Subservient

RelationshipsDaVina Harvey

Submission: the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

 

Subservient: prepared to obey others unquestioningly, less important

 

Submissive DOES NOT MEAN subservient.  It amazes me how many pseudo internet feminist (#Iaintnofeminist) get their panties in a bunch up their asses over the word submissive. Submission means that I have seen how you lead and live your life. You lead and live by example, and the examples you set are positive and the life you live is fruitful.  I have seen that by your past actions you have not only your interests at heart but ours as a unit also.  You have given me no reason to believe that you will not protect me or that you would hurt me.  So I will allow one of us to lead so that life will not come to a stand still every time we can not come to perfect agreement on something.  

I date both men and women.  In both types of relationships that I tend to become involved in I am submissive.  I have to be aggressive with work and my spirit and energy needs a break or a cool down period in my personal life.  I need to be able to relax and use my goddess energy in a non-bossy manner so to speak.  Now that I am 28 I am looking for a long term partner, a partner who I am willing to make important decisions with.  So when I date I have to look for people who: I admire their strength, I feel are intelligent, giving, who show concern for my thoughts and opinions, and have some of the same basic moral guidelines as I have. I date with the intention on hopefully growing to become more than dating.  I don’t mindlessly date any longer.  So the people I date I have to make sure that from the dates and spending time with them I see traits that I would not mind submitting to were we to build a relationship.  

I can’t build with a selfish person.  I can’t build with a person who every time they see a child acting out their response is that child needs his or her ass beat.  I can’t build with a person who is in a financial rut isn’t trying to build their credit and doesn’t know how to save money.  I can’t build with a person who isn’t a communicator and compromiser because these aren’t traits I welcome in my life.   I have to build with someone I can see as a leader, provider, and protector. Life has submission, Look at packs of lions, look at ants, look at the government.  Submission and order  comes into play in so many aspects of life.

Subservient means that I don’t have an opinion or thought process of my own that I feel is important.  It means I will blindly and unquestioningly follow you for whatever reason.  Being subservient is dangerous, at times can lead to abuse, and you damn near might as well be a slave at the end of the day.

At the end of the day everyone has to live with a dynamic that makes them happy.  Hell maybe there are some relationships that are run sucessfully like a democracy.  (shrug) Confuses me as to how one holds a vote when there is only two people involved but if you like it I love it.  I want to be a mother, a nurturer, a wife.  I want a provider, a protector, a leader, someone of strength by my side.  As a gift for doing the things my spirit craves and giving my the balance my energy needs I am willing to give my submission… my SUPPORT.

Submission I promise is why some of the Hoes of the world be out here winning.  They know how to give it.  They know how to make a royal feel like a leader and provider.  They make royals feel happy to give and provide.  So while some of ya’ll out here quoting Eartha Kitt no compromising ass I’m going to be at home learning the appropriate oils to mix for my future royals skin and hair, learning how to cook some things, and laughing at the fact that some of you women hold tighter to Neyo’s “Miss Independent” lyrics that you do a healthy relationship and the chance at happiness.  #countryraised #mycousinsandIwilltakeyourdamnmanandkeephim #Iwearcrownregardless #submission #submissive

A Letter To My Kings (written 2 years ago at 28)

RelationshipsDaVina Harvey

A Letter To My Kings

I value and appreciate you for who you are.   I love you and I will always need you.  There isn’t anyone who can replace you.  I would not exist without you, my future children will you need you.

There are times when I cry because I do not understand the pain that you go through or the fear that you feel, or maybe it’s because I feel like you  do not understand the pain that I go through or the fear that I feel.  In the middle of the frustration I mistake you acting out of pain and fear as you not caring. 

I am a 28 year old black woman.  I fear being mediocre.  I fear not accomplishing my purpose.  I fear getting tired or losing hope and vision before I accomplish my purpose.  I fear being at the wrong place at the wrong time with an angry cop.  I fear being judged for being too black, not black enough, too young, too old, too fat, to fucking female, hell not female enough.  

So many of the fears that I have are mine alone and you can’t help with them.  But I have pains and fears that you can help with.  It pains me to know that some of you don’t value my intelligence and the strides I make in business and myself to further our family and culture.  It pains me that some of you have made poor decisions in the past in choosing who you shared your seed with and now when you are at your greatest and should be growing our community you are scared.  It pains me that you don’t realize that just because I am not your “Cut buddy”, your “boo thang”, your “wifey” that you feel I am not worthy or in need or your help and support.  It pains me that some of you do not want to commit.  It pains me that when my sisters and I share these fears and concerns you down play our hurt...

In the middle of being upset for days straight I had the above conversation with kings in my life.  Because I was so caught up in my pain and opinions I didn’t really go about the conversations the right way. I forgot that hurt people hurt people and in this situation I was hurting and extending my hurt to an already hurt group of people.  I forgot that YOU are my KINGS and I am your Queen no matter how hurt I am.  And that unless we heal each other nothing but hurt is going to come from us.

I forgot that these same hurt Kings that I was hurting with my words and my thoughtlessly given opinions were the same kings that: take photos for free for me EVERY time I ask, that shoot and edit videos for me and my sisters without payment, that do all the lifting and grunt work around my house because my ass clearly isn’t going to do it, the same kings that text and call to make sure me and the other women get in safe, the same kings that offer to take 1 or 2 of us out to eat at once sometimes at their expense, the ones that offer endless advice and help.  The same Kings that give so much of their energy to us sometimes with nothing in exchange.  I love you all more than some of you know even though at times I am so caught up in self that I don’t say it or show it.  I know your worth and have a need for you that will never end.

I know that the pain you feel is real and has validity.  I know that so many messages tell you that you are not worthy of love and that you are not going to amount to anything.  Never is it my place, my right, or my want to add to those negative messages.  I am apart of your support system.  I am sorry.  

We have too much as a community that we do not discuss.  We have too much that we don’t share and keep bottled up until we are angry.  When it’s shared it comes out as anger and not love.  We can’t afford that.  I don’t know the answer to fix all the issues we have, but I know ignoring and pretending they don’t exist isn’t it. I love you so much.  I want so much from you… but there’s so much I want to share with you also.

Your  Sister ... Your Queen... Your Supporter